As most of you already know, back in October, I had a great fight with a mechanical bull. I dislocated my shoulder and fractured the top of my humerus.
Since October 18, I’ve been in an immobilizer, which equates to wearing basketball shorts (primarily Alabama, Kentucky and Saints, you know I gotta represent), side ponytails and half-assed makeup.
When the fracture healed, the new X-rays revealed the bone had splintered into a bunch of pieces. The fracture happened to be right where my rotator cuff attaches, so it was completely detached.
I am now a week and three days out from surgery that was a little more intense than expected. It turned out that I also had a tear on my labrum, so I am now sporting three nice scars from the surgery.
I started physical therapy last week and let me tell you, shit is no joke. I remember seeing people in rehab for shoulder surgery after my knee scope and I was like “why are you crying?! Weaklings!” Now I realize shoulder rehab means you are going to do one of two things: cry or shit yourself. Here’s a little summary for you of my three sessions so far:
Day One: Shoulder shrugging, shoulder blade pinching and manual passive motion. I’ve never been so disappointed in shrugging my shoulders. I thought I was doing pretty good until the PT put me in front of a mirror. My first thought was WTF. I’m not even moving. Second thought: “This sucks.” After my dreams had been crushed came the manual passive motion, which mean my sadistic PT moved my arm for me. This resulted in me crying and slobbering on myself while saying “just ignore me” and the PT saying “relax, give me your arm. My thought was “You’ve already got it, I can’t move it anyway. Just cut it off.”
Day Two: More manual passive motion. I managed to not cry this time. While I was there, a little old lady was doing rehab for her knee… and crying. My thought was “yeah, yeah, shut up Skeletor. At least you can pick up your bingo card.”
Day Three: I was still sore from day two and by sore, I mean it felt like a pack of wild grizzlies had gnawed my arm off. I had a new PT today and during manual passive motion, she said “oooh, the soreness has got you!” I thought “No shit, lady. You’re lucky I’m not crying right now.”
I actually feel pretty good this evening. I’ll be back in for round four tomorrow. Maybe I won’t shit myself…